This photo makes me think of so many things. My immediate associations are: sunshine, flowers, lemon drops, jellyfish, meringue, warm mist, rusty smell, etc. I found it a few days ago and stuck it in my "cool images" folder (now overflowing with goodies I'll be sharing as the days dance on) and re-found it this morning as I was sifting through everything. Today my first thought was, "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs"! That was one of my favorite books as a little one. Even now I can close my eyes and see the images of streets flooded with spaghetti, sauce, and meatballs.
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Now, not to bring up the dream theme again, but, um..I'm going to. ONLY because my dreams have been very realistic lately and not too feel-good. Last night's, for example, was absolutely frightening and I woke up around 5am panting with fear. Great. Tonight will be about breaking the eery dream cycle and creating a delightful one.
So, to backtrack a bit...
Wednesday night:
This dream actually wasn't bad, but was 1st on my list of "extra realistic dreams" (in general I'm a very lucid dreamer, so to have an "extra realistic" dream literally feels like reality...like I lived the dream).
The dream: I was with a friend from high school. We hadn't seen each other for a while and she immediately shared two significant pieces of news. 1. She had recently been in a big plane crash 2. She was in love. She began to describe the plane crash, and as she did, it's as if I were watching a film of the event.
"Everybody was screaming, holding hands, it was bumpy..." basically everything you'd imagine, but in my visual creation, the sky was brown and there were random objects soaring through the clouds (red bicycle, ice cream cones, mittens, etc.)...
Everybody on the plane survived, but all were hospitalized. Prior to the plane crash, my friend said she had been seeing a man for about three months. She wasn't really into, but didn't not like him. Kind of a bland, neutral, reaction to his existence and their budding relationship. After the crash, though, she opened her eyes and he was there, beside her hospital bed. Her feelings for him escalated.
Then the dream gets a little blurry for a while. Next thing I remember is my friend saying that after the crash she would have horrible nightmares recounting the scenario. Every night she would bolt up in bed, drenched in sweat, whimpering with the memory. Her boyfriend (now she called him her boyfriend) would be next to her, take her in his arms, and quell her anxiety.
So she's telling me all of this and eventually I say, "so when did you fall in love with him?". She explained that everyday after the crash they had spent their nights together. After about 2 weeks, her boyfriend (for some reason I want to call him Brett), had to go on a business trip. "So he was gone for a week, but every morning around 3am, he would call me." He knew that's when she usually woke up with the nightmare and that she would feel guilty calling him for comfort. "That's when I realized I love him".
Ok, therein lies dream numero uno.
Thursday Night:
This was a dream that didn't feel so hot. I'm not going to go into depth, but basically, I was strolling the streets of Budapest with two friends. One girl I consider to be a "best friend", the other we had kind of picked up in the midst of our journies...a new friend. Long story short, my good friend turns to me in the midst of a conversation we're having and starts spouting out piercing words: "I hate the way you____, and that you____, and I hate how you______..." and on and on. I don't remember specifics, but I remember really feeling her hate and feeling how hurt I was by her distaste for me that had clearly been brewing for a while. Then she linked arms with anonymous girl and walked away, leaving me in the middle of the street (a marketplace, actually), with my tears. I woke up genuinely feeling as though my good friend had just betrayed me. I actually emailed her right away just to be sure we were still on good terms (we are).
Friday:
I think it was another weird(ish) dream...but I don't really remember.
Saturday (last night):
OK, the other two were a little boring and "why should I care?"...but last night's dream/nightmare was AWFUL. First, you know how if you have a dream in a familiar place, say, your childhood home, it will generally look like your house, but something will be off. For example, "I had this dream, and we were home, but instead of stairs we had water slides, and instead of lamps we had gum ball machines". You follow?
So, last night's dream took place in my apartment. But it was, 100%, my apartment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, was different. My dream image of my little abode was perfectly accurate.
Here's what happened:
I woke up to the sound of someone opening my bedroom window (there is one by the fire escape). The figure was dark and I couldn't make out any features, but I could tell it was a man...a very large man. I watched as he slid his hand through the rails of my window guard (I'm blanking on the real name of those things) and unlatched it from the inside. At this point I was thinking "Ok, I can either jump out of bed, scream, tell him to back off, etc. etc., or lie still and pretend to be sleeping." Because of the sheer size of this man, I opted for option numero dos.
He somehow managed to fit his body through the window and entered my bedroom. I tried to maintain a regular breathing pattern and keep my eyes looking like they were shut (of course, it was dark in there, so that was fairly simple). I noticed he had a clear plastic container full of liquid. He shuffled over to my kitchen and found my empty gallon of water. He released a stifled, gross, little "muwhaa" as he poured the clear liquid into the plastic gallon I had on my countertop. Poison. This man was trying to poison me! But why? Why would anyone want to poison me?
After a couple of minutes, he forced his body out the window and left. It gets a little sketchy here, my memory of the dream, but I recall a few minutes later another man came in with a knife and bugged my apartment...or something. He installed something. I was still pretending to sleep.
I woke up the next morning (this is still the dream), and called Justin, my brother. Terrified, I explained everything. I was down by the river, as I was fairly certain my apartment was bugged. Justin responded "Well, I mean...were you maybe too nice to some guy at MOMA?". This felt even worse! Basically, my brother was implying that maybe I deserved this treatment because I had led some guy on at the MOMA.
[for the record, Justin would never actually respond that way]
And the dream continued a little...the point is: It was painfully realistic and I felt as though I were being hunted and nothing, not even family, provided a sense of safety.
I woke up from this nightmare around 5am, a little sweaty, heart beating fast. There were a few seconds where I genuinely thought the dream was a reality because my apartment perfectly resembled the one in the dream. Scaaaaaaary.
I've considered analyzing this dream, but I think I'd rather let it slip away.
Anyway, tonight the beautiful dreams start up once again!
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Clocks spring ahead! This means that it'll still be light at 7pm...maybe even 8pm! Everyday, more and more, I can feel spring and summer. Mmmm.
I love walking around on a summer night in sandals and a tank top, taking in the smells and the perfect temperature. Listening to the music of nature and people. Last night was a little like that.
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You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
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