Back in the city after a wonderful weekend in Vermont. Really, I am just so full of gratitude to have such authentic and loving people in my life and a green, clean, clear, mountainous land to visit.
In the midst of my trip I came across various bits of memorabilia that made me laugh. One such item was found in the top drawer of my old dresser. Now, this is a dresser I had had from ages 8-15. My mom and I decided that it'd be a good idea to go through all of the crap in my old room and give a bunch of it away, since I don't use it anymore. I made my way through the closet...tossing leotards and mini-tanks aside, hanging onto the t-shirts I had won at elementary school jog-a-thons past...
Anyway, I get to the underwear drawer of the bureau. I used to stash all of my secret little trinkets and journals in there. I found about 5 old journals. A lot of the stuff I wrote about I can laugh at now...6th grade crushes, qualms with friends, etc. But I was actually somewhat stunned by the maturity in my writing when it addressed the more important things. For example, why I danced and how my universe shifted when I walked through the studio doors. Or the voice my writing took on when I described my love for my brothers and parents. It was nice to sift through these and re-ground myself in a very different way.
The best part though: I'm making my way through the drawer and in the very back right-hand corner, I find some transparent paper. I pull it out and see that it has writing all over it. An unsent love letter! Oh man, this was such a find. It's from when I was fifteen and had recently broken up with my first boyfriend (shall remain nameless...but for those of you who know, the i and the tt...eek!). We started dating when we were 14 and we were so in love, we thought. We didn't have any classes together during the day, so he would always send me little notes or drawings through friends. I remember one day my friend Katie delivered a drawing from him that was one huge flower and he had colored each petal differently and written some sweet thing next to it. Anyway, I was, and still am, a sucker for anything romantic, so I was pretty much head over heels for this guy. We talked about getting married, being together forever, etc. etc. Classic 14 yr old love. Trouble in paradise started to rumble when I moved away at age 15 to go to school in Boston. The first few months were ok, but I was really busy with school and had taken a liking to a new "man" (aka: 16 yr old boy) at school. So, the time came...I called _____ and broke up with him. The drama! I think we were on the phone for about 2 hours, crying, laughing, the whole deal.
So this note I found in my bureau over the weekend (that was a roundabout way of getting to the point) was written after the break-up...clearly never went to him. It was four full pages. It was addressed "Dear_____, my first love,". It went on about how I was sorry I broke his heart (this guy still won't talk to me) and how sometimes thing don't make sense but they're right and how i'll always have a section of my heart dedicated to him (false), etc etc. Anyway, it was just interesting/entertaining to read this almost nine years later...and re-assuring in a way, too. There was even a line in it that literally made me laugh aloud: "Even when I am 27 and totally in love with someone else, I will still love you". Um...no. Anyway, don't really know where I'm going with this. I guess it was not only fun to re-visit that 'drama' of my past, but also a reminder that things that seem huge right now, or all-consuming, will pass. Obviously I've had more serious loves/break-ups since then and I thought the ache would never cease. But it does. And that's the beauty in human resilience. And I needed that reminder.
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On another note, I was driving along and this song came on! Whatever happened to simple, feel-good lyrics and melody? My mom used to sing this song while frolicking around the house (and still does) and it's such a good one! When it came on the stereo, I realized that I had never actually heard the song, but knew every word. So, here it is [could only embed a version that goes along with a MASH montage...at least it was kind of a cool show, I guess. The point here is the song though]:
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I also found some great video footage when I was home and converted it from 8mm vid to DVD...currently working on editing it on my computer. I'll eventually get some clips on here.
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Interesting piece on the magic and mystery of Shakespeare's sonnets:
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One week until my birthday! 23 has been great, but I feel ready for 24...a natural progression, the shifts are accelerating ... and it's a good thing
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What?! Robert Frost's family farm is for sale (buy a piece for a mere $25,000...hmm):
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Sad:
This is where my new ideas will come into play...make it more accessible/physically engaging...[more to come]
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Good reason to be in BarTHelona this week:
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As always, I have so much more to share, but I don't even know where to start and I have one of my favorite people in the world coming to see me in 2 hours, so I better get started with my day. I'll leave you on this feel good note (another in my mom's musical compilation):
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