My last blog post as a twenty-three year old...I chose this image because, as we all know, buds represent growth and something new. A natural evolution, progression and beauty. I admit, I get sentimental around birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, celebrations...basically, everything. This past week I took some time here and there, walking to work, lying in the park, etc., to reflect upon this past year. It's been a big one. Perhaps the biggest yet. I got my first job out of college, moved to New York City, got laid off, got another job, met some amazing people, lost some, discovered incredible places, opened my eyes to the magic around me. I've felt the best and worst I've ever felt during the past year. I think I hit every mark on the emotional spectrum.
This was a huge year of, cheesy as it may sound, self-exploration and discovery. Being out of school for the first time in my life, it was a journey to move somewhere new, without an instant built-in community. To move to a place where nobody knew who I was. Where even I had to re-discover, examine, and embrace my own identity; who I really am. And there have been challenges, but in the end I am grateful. Everything is a lesson and as much as it may not make sense, as much as it may hurt or frustrate you [me], it's meant to be there. It serves a purpose.
Spiritual, soulful, and emotional evolution.....
Within the past year I've been surrounded by exceptional love. Primarily from my parents and a few resilient, incredible friends. I am grateful everyday for whole support, honesty, and ceaseless love I feel from these people.
I've made some of the biggest decisions of my life....learned what it means to truly listen to yourself, even when everything external is telling you otherwise. And when to take the external into account. Finding the fine balance between body and mind....heart and logic.
I've also experienced a type of betrayal I hope to never comes across again. From a person I least expected it from, came a fountain of lies. Having such an open heart, I suppose, makes me especially vulnerable. But this experience, as awful as it was, has revealed things about myself I never took the time to appreciate...and seeing the lack of those traits in another person highlighted them in myself.
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Along this vein, I usually approach birthdays thinking "ok, what are my goals for this year? How can I better myself? What do I want to achieve?". And while these are absolutely flowing through my mind, I also think that birthdays should be a time of self-celebration and appreciation. So first let me begin with a list of things I appreciate about myself. Things I am grateful for and have come to recognize within the past year.
-I am honest. This is, by far, the number one trait I admire and cherish in a person. I don't see why anyone would be any other way. I was raised in a family and town that always emphasized the importance of honesty in friendships and beyond.
-I am not judgmental. I never really noticed it until I moved to the city, but I can genuinely say that while I am human and innately, gently judge situations through my own contextual lens, I am a very open human being. I love the diversity this city presents and I truly appreciate the differences I come across everyday. I like that I can hang with the hippies, the preppies, the skater boys, the goths, the punks, the corporate crowd, the artists, etc. I find that if you're grounded and secure within yourself, you're able to naturally connect with nearly everyone
...I guess those are the two main things.
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What I see for the next year:
I decided several days ago that this is going to be a "no bullshit" year. Good plan, huh? At least a "minimal BS" year! What do I mean by this? For one, I think it's accurate to say that we all have negative people in our life who we keep around for one reason or another. Well, time to eliminate the people whose "con" list greatly outweighs the "pro".
"No BS" also means that if I want to do something, create something, go somewhere, take a risk: DO IT.
I feel myself on the brink of something great. For the first time, my massive pool of seemingly unrelated thoughts and ideas is beginning to come together and make sense. My goal? To do something with it. Become my dream.
I'd also like to continue building my roots within the city. Expanding horizons and friendships.
...Cheers! To being 24...
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Narrative's "poem of the week"...I like:
From The Dream We Carry
by Olav H. Hauge
When All Is Said and Done
Year in, year out, you’ve bent over books.
You’ve gathered more knowledge
than you’d need for nine lives.
When all is said and done,
so little is needed, and that much
the heart has always known.
In Egypt the god of knowledge
had the head of an ape.
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Today, right at the moment I needed it, one of my wonderful friend sent me this song. I almost forgot how in love with Max Richter I am. Listen with shut lids...
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Edmonton names hip-hop artist latest poet Laureate...sweet!
http://www.cbc.ca/arts/books/story/2009/05/26/edmonton-pemberton-poet-laureate.html
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There is much more, but for now, sending my love to all <3>
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